brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize