my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
