First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The adults are the big ones right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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