Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The air taste purple.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
