I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
