I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
