He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
