i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
