i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
