Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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