I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
