i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
