I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
