You made me cry and you don't even care
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize