Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
