Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
