hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
