i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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