every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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