I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
