She said her name was "party"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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