I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize