you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
