turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
