I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize