Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
