She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
