so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
