Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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