dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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