i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Houston, we have a blender
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
