is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Congratulations! We have a period
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize