I faked an abortion last night.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
