you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
