she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i need some magic done to my vagina
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
