She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
