Apparently you make a good broom.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
