we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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