Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
