just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
