im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
