Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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