Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
