Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
