I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
