If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
