Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
