Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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