You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize