No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
