No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
