What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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