Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
