Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
