True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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