before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
