i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
