You can't motorboat a personality
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
