i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
