Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
