This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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