what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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