I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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