just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
