Small penises have feelings too.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
