Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
