I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
