A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize