DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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