i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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