You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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