I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
