Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
