my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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