Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
