I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
