I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
