Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
