WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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