At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
