if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
