Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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