Nicole vs. Life
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
