I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
