you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
