You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
