You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
