And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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