did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
