wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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