There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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