Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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