so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize