Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
