too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
