Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Found your dick twin last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
