would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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