oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
