Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
