He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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