I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
