Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize