youre lurking in front of me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize