Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
